MoRP - Voice from the Missouri River

Norm Miller

I originally wrote this several years ago for the Missouri River Paddlers Facebook page. It's an amazing story that I though would make a good intro to the new website and this page.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that when you get the desire to create something, it usually begins to build a fire from within that eventually burns out of control until you HAVE to finish it. That goes along with not only this website but with adventure. My journey following the ghost of Lewis & Clark actually began back in the 3rd grade when I “knew” I was going to retrace the “Lewisen” Clark trail someday. As a 10-year old growing up in Michigan, I had thought this was one person, the first name being Lewisen. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I learned that it was two people--Lewis AND Clark. It didn’t stop there, it was probably several years later before I learned that the entire expedition of L&C comprised of over 30-men! My fascination with this historic expedition and I read everything about it, and where it traveled across the country. In the late 1990’s I was going through some difficult personal moments in my life and needed to get away to find balance. At the time, I was fascinated with Canadian History, especially the fur-trade era. I acquired a copy of Alexander Mackenzie’s journals who was the first Euro to discover a water route across North America beating Lewis & Clark by over a decade. I read the journal in one sitting, which ignited a fire over the winter months. One evening after a drunken binge, I was compelled to retrace his 1789 route-- which for MacKenzie was a “failed” expedition. After all….poor Alexander was trying to reach the Pacific...but the water route he chose took him north to the Arctic Ocean. He eventually chose a different river a few years later and reached the Pacific Ocean. Cold, tired, and wet, young Mackenzie mixed some vermillion and bear grease together and painted the inscription “Alex Mackenzie from Canada by land 22nd July 1793.”
What fascinated me was the fact he felt his first expedition was a failure, he even named the river which took him to the Arctic Ocean the “River of Disappointment”. I had to see for myself what Alexander Mackenzie saw as a disappointment, even knowing that due to it flowing north and not west meant that it would not be a beneficial trade-route for that time period. In 1997 I wrote a letter to canoe legend Verlen Kruger, whom I knew back in the early 80’s when he paddled near my home as part of a 3 ½ year, 28,000 mile paddle trip through North America. I followed his exploits during his journey as well as all future trips. In my letter I told him of my intent to retrace Mackenzie's failed route and why. I was also inquiring about his solo expedition canoes that he builds and that I wanted to buy one. A few weeks after I mailed the letter I got a nice hand written letter as well as a copy of his book “One Incredible Journey”. The book is about he and Clint Waddell’s first crossing of North America in one season by canoe---Montreal to the Bering Sea in the early 70’s. Inside the cover he signed the book with the quote, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” I eventually made a trip to Verlen’s, and had the pleasure to paddle with him as well as spending many hours at his kitchen table listening to stories upon stories of his epic paddle trips. I gave him a down payment for a custom built Kruger Canoe which he built over the course of the winter while I continued to plan my Canadian river journey back home. In June of 1998 I departed down the Athabasca River solo in my Kruger boat. The river took me north to Lake Athabasca, the Slave River and into Great Slave Lake. After paddling the south shore I finally reached the MacKenzie River...named after Alexander, a much better name than “Disappointment” which Alex had named it. Days turned into weeks under a land where the sun never sets in the summer. After 2000-miles of paddling I reached the Arctic Ocean at the mouth of the Mac. I scooped up some water and tasted it,making sure I could taste salt. I had made it to the ocean. At that moment the clouds parted and bright rays of sunlight beamed down on me and my little boat as we bobbed in the waves together. Far from disappointment for sure! After a couple more days down the coast I reached the Inuit village of Tuktoyaktuk where I flew home from.
I was only home a short time when the fires of my childhood hero's-- Lewis & Clark began to burn out of control. More planning, more maps, more letters written, more info gathered and piled up on my desk. That fire turned into a 2004 expedition retracing the trail of my heroes Lewis & Clark during the bicentennial of the expedition. The journey was life changing and still continues to change my life to this day. I thought my pursuit to chase L&C would end once I reached the Pacific but I was far from wrong. I dealt with a huge sense of loss upon returning home. Feeling purposeless I fell into a deep depression, I went into counseling and therapy for several years after the journey. It wasn’t easy living in the 21st century after basically living in the 1800’s during the trip. I continued to stay involved with everything “Lewis & Clark” I could get my hands on. I traveled with a group of re-enactors including the 4th great grandson of William Clark--Churchill Clark. Churchill, Mike Clark (no-relation), John Ruskey and others who built a dugout canoe in my home town of Livingston, Montana in 2006 when I paddled back to the arch with them...and back to therapy again. When I was at my lowest point I’ve ever been, I headed out in my truck for a road trip to visit friends in Oregon. On my way home through southern Idaho I took a dirt side road for ½ an hour to the remote grave of Jean Baptiste Charbonneau the son of Sacagawea and husband Toussaint Charbonneau from the Lewis & Clark Expedition. Clark had nicknamed Jean Baptiste, Pomp. He died on May 16th, 1866 and there is a headstone and interp panel at the grave site.
It was about 10-below zero with several inches of snow on the ground as I stretched out in the front of my truck dozing off to sleep next to the grave and feeling as low as I could be. I woke early on the morning of December 7th, 2006 and stood next to the grave of Pomp as the darkness faded to light among the sagebrush. My cold breath rose high and evaporated above me. On the other side of the plot were several poles in which a lone raven sat watching me. I noticed something shiny hanging from its dark black beak and figured it had picked up some foil as they are attracted to bright objects. The raven then dropped the object from its high perch and began to caw, croak and fidget. I was curious so I walked over towards the object on the ground as the raven took flight and flew towards the east. I looked down and noticed it was a small bracelet so I bent over and picked it up. Carved into the top of the bracelet were several dates. As my brain interpreted what I was reading, a rush of disbelief rose over me and the blood drained from my face. There were two dates and they read like a gravestone---- "2-24-63 ~ 12-7-06". As the realization hit me, the sun broke over the horizon and the rays of light lit up my face. At a distance I could hear the raven but could not see him. The first date was the day I was born--February 24, 1963! The second date was December 7, 2006----TODAY!!! The sun continued to rise and shone down on the snow covered sage and grave when my raven friend returned to the pole near by and cawed to me. At first I thought that maybe it was omen and that I would die today...maybe in a car wreck….was it a warning? I stayed at the gravesite for an hour holding the bracelet looking at it frequently making sure this was really happening to me. I thought about my journey following the Lewis & Clark trail and the wonderful friends I met along the way and how all our lives intertwined and were woven together like a giant web. I lost my fear of dying that day. The fear was replaced with the utmost certainty that this was the beginning of my life. A new start. The grand finale. I had the sense that I was a member of the original Lewis & Clark Expedition and the last few years I spent chasing their trail was a means to resolve something I had lost during that original journey. Who was I? Was I really there?

I may never know, but one thing I do know is that I have always taken the road less traveled and that has made all the difference. I drove home having a sense of being reborn, and a new outlook on life , forever changed by the trail. I never knew how well received the Missouri River Paddlers group would be when I created it a few years back. As you know by now, it was created to assist any future river traveler so they too might be able to experience the magic of the river and the gifts it has to offer. Your journey will be live changing, I’m certain of that. Thanks to all the paddlers who answered these questions, I really appreciate your help! I know you understand that a river journey is something much greater than just ...a river journey. You too have taken the road less traveled and I know that has made the difference for you too.
Cheers!
Norm Miller Livingston, Montana Nov, 23, 2016

The Bracelet-
Gift from a raven at the grave of Jean Baptiste Charbonneau on
December 7, 2006. I still have it and look at it often. It was a mind blowing moment to receive it from a bird.

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Voices along the Missouri River

Norm Miller

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